Stories

Ah Fai’s story

I’ve learned that it’s important to talk about dementia openly. It’s not something to be ashamed of.

Hi, I’m Ah Fai. I was born and raised in Hong Kong, where I worked as a chef in a busy restaurant. I moved to Sydney with my wife 25 years ago to join our children. We live in Parramatta, and I’ve always been proud of maintaining our cultural traditions and cooking delicious Cantonese meals for my family.

Around the age of 70, I started having trouble remembering recipes I’d known by heart for years. I’d often get confused in the middle of cooking, forgetting important steps. My wife noticed I was becoming more irritable and withdrawn, which was unlike me. In our culture, there’s a saying: 不聽老人言，吃虧在眼前 Translation: Not listening to the elderly leads to immediate loss). It means wisdom comes with age, but I felt like I was losing my wisdom.

My son insisted I see a doctor. I was reluctant because I didn’t want to burden my family or admit something might be wrong. But after some persuasion, I went to my GP. The GP conducted several tests and referred me to a neurologist. I was diagnosed with vascular dementia, likely a result of my years of high blood pressure and smoking.

The diagnosis was hard to accept. In our community, there’s a stigma attached to dementia, often seen as a sign of weakness or failure. But my family was very supportive. They helped me understand that dementia is a medical condition, not a personal failing. The GP and neurologist worked together to create a care plan, which included medication and lifestyle changes.

I’ve joined a local Chinese community centre where we have dementia support groups and activities that help keep my mind active. I also started participating in social events, which helped me stay connected and engaged. My wife and children have been wonderful, making sure I follow my treatment plan and stay active.

I’ve learned that it’s important to talk about dementia openly. It’s not something to be ashamed of. By seeking help early, we can manage the symptoms better and maintain a good quality of life. I encourage everyone in our community to pay attention to their health, to learn about the symptoms of dementia and get a GP assessment if they notice any changes. It’s better to face it together with support and understanding.